


An Arrangement, Of Sorts

by rachherself



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, but then it becomes a Real Thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-14 10:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1263478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachherself/pseuds/rachherself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius is being stalked and may have said he was dating Remus.<br/>“Well, then. Who’s the lucky bloke? Should I buy you two some condoms, or are you in for the long haul?”<br/>Sirius had the grace to duck his head. “Well, Moony, do you prefer there to be nothing between us when we make sweet, sweet love?”<br/>Remus stared, jaw relaxed and mouth slightly open. “What?“<br/>“I said it was you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Arrangement, Of Sorts

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Emm and Maggie. Mazel tov, here's the thing.

Remus, as usual, was reading in the dormitory. It was a late Sunday afternoon in April, the sun filtering in through the leaded windowpanes, reflecting off James’s glasses that he never managed to wear and various bits and bobs and shiny sweet wrappers that lay strewn about the large room. The space was quiet, and the air was still except for the hint of a breeze that came through an open window next to Remus’s bed, fluttering the yellowed pages of his novel occasionally. It was good, _Riprap and Cold Mountain Poems_ by Gary Snyder. He idly turned the page, wetting the pad of his thumb, being careful not to crease the thin paper.

The door banged open, heavy wood ricocheting off of the smooth stone of the dormitory wall. This could really only mean one thing: Sirius Black.

“Moony, help,” Sirius panted as he dropped his schoolbag on the floor, a thick Astronomy text sliding out. “Please, you know I don’t beg.”

Remus closed his book, dog-earing his page and placing it on the shelf above his bed. He turned back to face Sirius, pale green eyes landing on grey. 

“What’s this about then, Padfoot? Need help with an essay? McGonagall finally trying to actually murder you for jinxing the stairs leading to the dungeons? I told you that was a bad idea…“

“No, really, it’s serious this time,” Sirius responded, ignoring the obvious pun. Remus smiled anyway. “Some Ravenclaw girl, Sophia or something, is absolutely mad for me, and _she’s_ the one chasing me down! Would that it were McGoogles, honestly, but.” He shucked his coat, throwing it onto his bed with the accuracy of a Quidditch player. Remus waited for the rest of the story, idly picking at a cuticle. Sirius stepped forward, sitting on a low bench by the cold stove in the centre of the room.

“Anyway,” he continued, “she cornered me - ghastly beasts, girls, _really_ , where are their manners - and I didn’t know what to say, and so I said I was dating someone.”

“Go on, then.“

“And, well. I said it was a bloke. Because that’s the way to shake birds off, see,” Sirius muttered, scratching at his thick black hair. Remus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He wasn’t necessarily the straightest of arrows himself, but it always sent a shot of hot annoyance into his chest when people (Sirius) flippantly used being gay, or not being interested in girls - “Not now,” he’d say, “I’m trying out a bit of the wild side, so, off you pop” - as an excuse to not have to talk to a girl after he’d shagged her. Remus peeled off the cuticle he’d been worrying at, idly regarding the blood welling up in the corner of his nail. He looked up at Sirius.

“Well, then. Who’s the lucky bloke? Should I buy you two some condoms, or are you in for the long haul?”

Sirius had the grace to duck his head. “Well, Moony, do you prefer there to be nothing between us when we make sweet, sweet love?”

Remus stared, jaw relaxed and mouth slightly open. “What?“

“I said it was you,” Sirius said, meeting Remus’s eyes again. “Sorry. She’s determined, that one, as Ravenclaws can be. I promise, it’ll only be for a week or two, to throw her off, and then you’re free as a bird and never have to talk to me again for as long as we both shall live.”

Remus leaned back on his bed, legs still crossed and pressed uncomfortably underneath him. He didn’t really care. This would, honestly, be the longest two weeks of his life - _if_ he agreed to pretend-date Sirius, his best friend, the guy who occasionally crept into his fantasies in the rare moments when he touched himself in the empty dormitory.

“What, now, would this ‘dating’ entail?”

Sirius looked abashed, but started to explain in earnest. “Nothing bad, really, just. Being around each other, and maybe I’ll hold your hand when she’s around - or any of her friends, really - and we’d go to the Hogsmeade weekend together this weekend. But - but that’s it. No kissing, or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Remus mulled it over for a moment, appreciating how Sirius was clearly uncomfortable with having to wait for an answer. Remus slid off the bed, tugging off his jumper, which had become oppressive in the warm air of the dormitory. It was shaping up to be a warm spring and a hot summer, even in Scotland.

“All right,” Remus finally said, unbuttoning his dress shirt. “But you have to promise not to abuse it. No funny business. And only two weeks.” He shrugged off his oxford and rummaged around in his trunk for a t-shirt. He found an old Doors shirt and slipped it on over his head, not failing to notice how Sirius’s eyes idly traced the lines of his torso. This would, without doubt, be a long couple of weeks.

* * *

“All right, Moony. She’s bound to be in there. Give me your -“ Sirius roughly grabbed at Remus’s hand. They were standing outside the Great Hall, the crowds of students pressing in for lunch. It had been fine at breakfast, as they went separately - Remus was an early riser and Sirius preferred to sleep until five minutes before class at nine, scrambling madly for his clothes and bolting out the door, miraculously always making it just before the professor started the lesson. Sirius believed it was just natural magical ability. Remus said it was sheer dumb luck. James, as usual, didn’t have an opinion beyond “at least you get to class, eh?” and a roguish wink in Sirius’s direction.

They walked into the hall, surreptitiously holding hands. Sirius tensed up against Remus’s side, having spotted the Ravenclaw girl, her hands clenched tightly around her cutlery, Yorkshire pudding growing cold in front of her. Remus resisted the urge to roll his eyes and instead walked them over to the Gryffindor table, sitting them so that their backs were resolutely facing the girl.

As they were piling their plates full of food, James slid onto the bench across from them, grabbing a goblet of pumpkin juice and chugging it neatly. “Wotcher then, boyos? Let me tell you, McGonagall is on the warpath today. Saw her on the way out of Charms and she looked like she’d swallowed someone’s soul. And didn’t like it,” he added, beginning to construct a ham and cheese sandwich for himself. 

Sirius took a large bite of his chicken, conscious of how close he was sitting to Remus. The hairs on the back of his neck were prickling, he surreptitiously looked behind him and, yes, the Ravenclaw - Sophie or whatever - was staring daggers at his back. He shuddered and turned back around to James’s curious stare. “What is with you two today? You’re all. Quiet. Have a sandwich, mate.”

“Oh, it’s. Nothing, really. Bit tired, actually,” Sirius explained, worrying at his mash with his fork. James smirked.

“Up all night thinking of some bird? I know the feeling, sometimes I can’t sleep because I’m consumed with thoughts of my darling Lily…” He turned to stare at the redhead, who was sitting a few places down the table. She met his eyes and raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t hear what you said, Potter, but the answer’s no anyway,” she replied tartly, and turned back to her salad. James sighed wistfully. “She loves me, really.” Remus raised an eyebrow, tactfully saying nothing.

Sirius toyed with the cuff of his shirt. He didn’t want to say anything to James about this arrangement he had with Remus, since it’d only be a week or two - hopefully - and he knew James would tease them both mercilessly and make a lot of penis jokes, and Sirius was (unusually, he loved a good penis joke) not in the mood for that sort of humour. He set down his fork. “Nah, Prongs, just. Couldn’t sleep. It happens sometimes. Bloody great inconvenience, that,” he said, falsely chipper. James seemed to agree, though, and tucked back into his sandwich with relish. 

Sirius looked out of the corner of his eye at Remus, who true to character had finished his own lunch and had taken out a large book, ignoring the conversation in favour of reading it. The moon had been four days ago, and dark shadows were still under his eyes. _He was still gorgeous_ \- wait. Where had that thought come from? Sirius hastily looked back at James, who was finishing his sandwich, absently fixing his notes from Charms, a conspicuous “L.E. + J.P.” in the top corner. Sirius shook his head. _If James hadn’t noticed anything,_ he thought, _how badly could the next week or so be?_  

* * *

The week was horrible, as it turned out. It was now Friday and it seemed like everything had gone wrong. The Ravenclaw girl had taken to stalking Sirius around the castle, and had decided that any time Sirius was alone was a good time to ambush him, alternately trying to snog him and scream at him. The necessity of Sirius and Remus always walking places together, shoulders brushing and hands laced together, had presented itself rather quickly after the first two encounters with the girl. People were noticing, and poorly-veiled snickers seemed to follow the boys everywhere. Sirius didn’t care - some laughter was better than sexual harassment any day. Now they were back in the dormitory, James and Peter in the common room, the former trying to woo Lily Evans for the umpteenth time - it was only so long before they heard the screeching and loud thumps of books flying at James’s head floating up the steps to the dormitory - and the latter, as usual, watching and laughing.

Upstairs, Sirius and Remus were sprawled out across Remus’s bed. As difficult as the circumstances were, they’d gotten closer over the week, and spending time together alone was now natural as breathing. Remus was in the middle of explaining the June Rebellion to Sirius, who didn’t necessarily want to hear it but was content listening to Remus’s warm baritone rounding over the French names, excitement colouring his voice. 

“Moony,” Sirius interrupted, “I honestly don’t give a damn about these dead Frenchmen. You know that, right?”

Remus arched an eyebrow. “I know. I just wanted to see how long you’d last before, I don’t know, spontaneously combusting or crying or something,” he responded dryly, a smile quirking the corner of his mouth and giving away his game.

Sirius took the moment of silence Remus left as an opportunity to roll over, throwing the warm heaviness of his body over Remus’s, pinning him down.

“No Frenchmen. No more history lessons. _Please_.” Sirius’s hair was dangling in Remus’s eyes, and he reached up to swat it away.

“Get your hair out of my face, Sirius,” Remus said quietly. “Needs a good cut. Reckon I could get a good angle on it from here…”

Sirius yelped, reaching wildly around Remus for the other boy’s wand. “You’ll never take me alive!” Remus fisted his hands in Sirius’s shirt, trying to keep him off and away. They continued wrestling for a moment, forgetting what started it, Sirius tickling Remus and Remus trying to strangle Sirius with a scarf.

That was when the door flew open with a bang. They stopped, startled, Sirius straddling Remus, his hands in the other boy’s armpits, Remus pulling tightly on the scarf that’d wound its way a couple of times around Sirius’s neck. James’s myopic eyes darted between the two from behind his glasses, Peter standing behind him in the shadows of the stairwell, jaw hanging unceremoniously open, face flushed pink.

“We thought you were boiling cats up here,” James said, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Evans almost killed me, so we thought we’d come check on, you know, you two. Very noisy.”

Sirius nodded slowly, hands still tucked into Remus’s armpits. He seemed to notice they were still there, and he withdrew them quickly. Remus untied the scarf from around Sirius’s neck. They both said nothing about their current position, but Sirius rolled off and sat on the edge of the bed. “No cats, Prongs. Moony was trying to tell me about some dead French people. Again. You know how that goes.”

James nodded sagely. “Ah. Moony, you simply must stop with that. Nutty, really.” He walked into the room and flopped himself down on his bed, pulling a copy of _Busty and Bewitched_ out from his bedside table and settling in for a good read. Peter stayed in the hallway, seeming to forget that he was still standing there gaping. Sirius gave Remus a look and slid off the bed to pull on his boots.

“‘M going out for a fag, see you lot on the other side,” he muttered, crossing the room. As he passed Peter on the stairs, he punched him playfully in the arm. “Gonna catch flies that way, Wormtail. Pip pip, on you go.” Peter shut his mouth, coloured bright red, and fairly ran to his bed. Sirius chuckled.

After a few minutes of silence, Remus sat up and got off of his bed, smoothing the rumpled covers left from his and Sirius’s fight. He pulled on his shoes, grabbed his wand, and started heading out the door. “I’ll be back, er. Got to get a book,” he said to the room vaguely, and hurried out of the dormitory. 

James looked at Peter. Peter looked back at James, more than a little confused. James shook his head. “Nutters,” he pronounced, and turned back to his magazine. Peter was inclined to agree.

* * *

Remus found Sirius smoking by the broomstick sheds, his favourite place. He walked over slowly, scuffing his feet against the grass, a breeze lifting his hair. _No matter how warm it is_ , he thought, _Sirius will always be wearing that bloody leather jacket._ He laughed to himself, causing Sirius to look up and spot him.

“Hey there, Moony. Sorry about, you know, earlier,” he managed, smoke curling out of his mouth. He exhaled. “Just a bit of fun, really.”

It had been just a bit of fun at the beginning, to his credit. But when he’d slung a leg across Remus’s hips, Sirius had felt a spark of something at the base of his spine. With Remus under him, a flush on his high cheekbones, hair scattered on the duvet, Sirius had gone momentarily breathless, hiding it quickly with a roar and a renewed attack of quick fingers in the other boy’s armpits. He didn’t know what that was about, or where it came from. Was going to make it bloody difficult to pretend-date Remus, though, now that he’d gotten it into his head that maybe, possibly, he wanted to kiss the other boy. _And shag him, but that would come later_ \- Sirius shook his head, as if to shake the thoughts out of it. Remus looked at him curiously.

“Er, well. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” he began hesitantly, almost sheepishly. “I don’t think I can pretend to date you anymore.” Sirius looked up, eyes wide.

“Why not? It was going all right, I think. That girl _has_ backed off, you know, and she wouldn’t’ve otherwise…”

Remus scratched the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact with Sirius.

“Well, uh. Oh, Merlin, this is - fuck,” he swore, and lunged forward, crowding Sirius against the rough wood of the shed, mouth against the other boy’s. After a moment, he pulled away roughly.

“That’s why. I’m, er, sorry about that. But I thought you should-“

He was interruped by Sirius reaching out and yanking him by his jumper, sealing his mouth against Remus’s again. Remus virtually melted against Sirius, the other boy’s lips moving against his, prying them open with his tongue. Sirius tasted like smoke and the pumpkin juice he’d had at lunch, along with something spicy that Remus couldn’t place. Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus’s waist, pulling him in tighter.

They kissed for a moment, savouring the other, and then Sirius pulled back, lips bruised and eyes dark.

“I was going to say the same thing, really. That I couldn’t do it, because all I wanted to do was kiss you. But, well. Secret’s out,” he explained, each word a puff of warm air against Remus’s lips. He ducked down, kissing the corner of Remus’s jaw and inhaling the warm, earthy scent he found there. Remus tilted his head back a fraction, giving Sirius space.

“So, er, I guess I should ask,” Sirius began after a moment, pulling off Remus’s neck. He idly noted the small bruise he’d left, hidden in the shadow of Remus’s jaw. “What’re you doing for Hogsmeade tomorrow?”

Remus threw back his head and laughed. “Nothing, Padfoot. Although I assume now I’ll be going with you.”

Sirius grinned into Remus’s cheekbone. They’d be all right. _Thank Merlin for crazy Ravenclaws_ , he thought, and then Remus turned his face, sealing their lips together again. Sirius stopped thinking.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed it! comments are always welcome, concrit or otherwise.


End file.
